You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
That accounts for only three of the penises
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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