You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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