Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
