who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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