hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
