@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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