A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
