I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
