guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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