so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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