dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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