You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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