Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Rumble strips road head = magical
We have started to decorate penises.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
