Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
