I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I look better un-naked...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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