I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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