Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
