Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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