so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
