I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He better not be in your backpack
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
