talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
