i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
