best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
