I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
