and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize