This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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