swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
