Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
