god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
