please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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