I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
