Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I will pee on everything he values.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
