I'm passing your future prison.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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