Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize