I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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