I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize