I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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