good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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