I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
