Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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