All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
