I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Randomize
