I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Randomize
