my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If I die, sorry about rent.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
