K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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