I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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