MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
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You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
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i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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