i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
