Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
