oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
it glows. i had to have it.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
