dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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