Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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