What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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