end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
