I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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