Only a mothe r could love this liver
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
