I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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