just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
