JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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