Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
