alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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