I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
