I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
