My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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