I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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