he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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