Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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