i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
