Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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