Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
