this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I FOUND THE LEGS
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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