At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
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you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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