I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
