woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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