the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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