My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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